Bio: 

Jennie is a Miami University student, studying English: Creative Writing. In 2010, she recieved the Malcolm Sedam Award for Non-Fiction.





See Me



I had to wait my turn when I came to see you.

How can I compete?

I almost quit and I cry but I can wait.

You'll see me.

Eventually.

You see me cry and you see me wait but you don't see me.

I see me and I hate me.

Silently, I wait and pray and hope and believe

You'll see me.

I'm careful you don't know.

Why can't you see?

See me the way I want you to see me, not the way I see me.

I’m quiet but I’m screaming.​

You're kindness makes me cry and your eyes make me melt.

Your words wash over me allowing hope to bubble up.

You also break my heart every time I see you.

I watch you and wait and I fall and fall and fall, deeper and deeper and deeper.

You like the blues and dogs and words and you make me feel seen.
Until you don’t.
But I can’t let it be over because I didn’t really get to show you.
I make up reasons to look into your eyes 

I pretend to have questions just to give you a chance to see me again. 

Nothing.

Just as obsession gives way to resignation, you send me a flower

What the hell? What does that mean?
Do you see me?  Is it finally my time?
Is all the self-loathing and painful waiting finally going to be worth it?
Just when I decide you are an unhealthy fantasy and not reality
You come in to sweep me off my feet.
Do you even know you’re doing that?​​​​​
I’m tired.
I thought you meant it.
I didn’t understand, I was part of a devious plan.
I didn’t know I was disposable or stupid or silly or not really someone you’d want to see.

Why would you look at me when there are so many at whom you are already looking?

I guess I always knew but it's still disappointing to a degree, I can barely articulate.

I didn't want to know.

I thought I could change your mind but now I'm just

Confused and delusional and sad and manipulated and stupid.
And tired
Of trying to​​​ get you to see me.
Of trying to feel special because you see me.
Of thinking I was someone you’d see.
And every time I see you,

My face is hot with shame and my stomach burns as it flutters.

Even though,

You never saw me and you'll never see me,

Even though the way I see myself makes me cry.

When I see your eyes, I want you to see me​
​When you walk in and say “Okay class, let’s get started” and you smile in my direction
I hope you’ll finally see me.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​